� Requited � 2003-05-25 � 9:33 p.m. �
Dearest Davy,
I miss you... I love you more than I miss you and I am debating if that is even at all possible.... but somewhere inside me I know it is.
The most amazing part about you... and about me... is the clarity that finds me when I read your words... hear your voice. I know, certainly, that it's the lack of both that has made these last years long for me.
It's Sunday... and I miss my ritual of laying on Mum's bed speading hours being counselled.... I miss late night phone calls and falling asleep... being so tired to even hang up the phone and hearing you and all your friends partying in the background. I even miss your friends... though I don't know them. I miss the Guatemalan man who had the crush on me.... what's his name, again? Marco? I miss your nephew... I really miss him.
I am sure it's because of you I turned out as ok as I did.... I mean, if not for you, I'd probably have kids and be juggling a smack habit like most of my friends back home... I was kinda screwed up way back when... and know it or not... you straightened me.
Perhaps that's because you hold pieces of me that no one does.... you took from me... my mind and soul and what I couldn't tell anyone and you kept it, silent... for so many years... and you've held on to it... the glass that it is... I wonder how you do it.
Never mind being eternally greatful for you... I am amazed that I could have ever been so lucky... Maybe all my luck went into finding you that now I haven't a fair shot at anything. *laugh* That's almost believable, isn't it?
I met a friend of Blair's today from high school... a girl he claims was a close friend, a good friend... they chatted a moment like strangers and he met her daughter. Of course he had no idea she had a child and by the time the conversation was over, he'd forgotten the baby's name... it made me realize the fragility of what we hold near... what we say we'll always love and cherish and when it comes to bone and skin, we just don't.... or life drives us to forget we said those things... we made those promises to no one other than ourselves.
That is not us, Davy... time lays between us and I have faith that we can always bridge the gap.
I am like that dove with a broken wing that just won't heal quite right... and you, the man with a soothing tone and warm touch.... and even though you want me out of your make-shift nest... I just can't go... at least not far and not for long.
That's the beauty we hold... and if I know anything at all... it's that.
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