� 19 hours long and strong � 2003-05-20 � 8:43 a.m. �
I have a hard time distinguishing my home... I feel comfortable in so many places I could land my unsteady feet anywhere and feel at home.
And after a very long day I am in Grande Prairie again... for another few years of drum beating and ordinary living... I am satisfied, at least with the hum drum and stability of it all.... satisfied with the memories made over the last while... with the lessons learned and the realizations of what I left and what I've become.
It's a retrospect view on transition I don't get very often.
Early yesterday and very little sleep and a red wine headache large enough to kill a horse, I made it from Ile Perrot to Dorval in plenty of time for my flight.... I checked my baggage and walked to the right... toward the gates and in search of a huge cup of disgusting coffee...
I saw a face I knew... but in my stoopper couldn't think from where and couldn't remember a name.... well a name came to me, but I was sure it wasn't the right one... He walked... unnoticing... toward the ticket counter from a door far to the right of the front end... I watched him... he came closer... and I stopped him.
"I know you..." certain this friend was completely English... he looked at me... stunned-like and his jaw dropped down to his knees... his blue eyes big and accepting he couldn't speak.
"I can't recall your name, but I know you."
"We went to school in Ontario together," he reminds me.... "It's Luke... how's it going AMANDA?!"
RIGHT! A boy for reasons unmentioned I shouldn't ever forget...
He opened his arms... and I walked in unhesitating... and with his arms and smell memories and stories came flooding back to my half drunken mind. The name I recalled earlier was his last name, not his first... and he was exactly the image of himself I have etched into my head. Unforgettably the same in every way.
He could kill me with a face that angelic... and I remember thinking that five years ago when we met.
Some people you think you'll never see again, and Luke, was one of them...
After saying goodbye to my parents and mopping saddness promptly from my eyes, I went through security... That's a story altogether... the insanity of measures... and the stupidity of people travelling. I was the only one in a line of fifteen that didn't get throughly searched... the only one who dressed without pounds of jewelry... and seemed to be prepared to walk through security...
I was only at the gate a few minutes before a stranger began talking to me like we were old friends... I must say his was physically beautiful... and if he'd spoken in the right tongue, I could have mistaken him for my ex... His company was nice, but contrary to his demands I don't give my phone number to strange men....
We borded together... I first and he behind... and we walked slowly in the tunnel... when from behind me I heard "Hey Angel, what's the weather like in Alberta, do you know?" The voice so fucking familiar I almost dropped dead right there....
I turned around to find Trevor, the boy I was casually seeing before Blair, running full force down the tunnel... tall and unchanged. We took a few minutes in the tunnel to hug and be swung... to laugh and the irony of my speaking about him a few nights before.... I haven't seen him since May 2000... and he's been busy with his career, all over Europe and North America, he was headed home to Calgary for a quick break.
He managed to swaggle a seat beside me, only for half the flight and we caught up on it all. He was wearing a band on his ring finger and for a moment I was afraid he'd married and hadn't told me... No... he says... he just wears it to keep ladies away *laugh* if it was anyone else saying it, I wouldn't believe it.
I felt poorly for a moment that I left him unrequited... that he and Blair unknowing had to battle it out... and that at that moment in time three years ago circumstance didn't favour him. Had he been a few years before... when Blair was so blindly in love... a few years before when my future was the next assignment for school... Trevor would have been perfect for me. It might have lasted if I could have lived with is career... though even casually I found being with a man who spends his life mostly naked around women unnerving.
But the heart on that boy is gold... Seeing him was nice... and oddly very comforting.
I landed redeye exhausted at 7 pm local time.... I didn't get settled for bed until 10... I had a 19 hour day behind me... I felt like shit. Unfortunately I didn't get to sleep much last night either. Blair was sick and didn't sleep... coughing and growning all night. I felt bad this morning when he had to get up and I didn't... I did anyway...
I am here now jonesing for a cup of Mum's coffee... I guess my own will thave to do.
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