growl 2003-12-05 7:47 p.m.


I kept getting told to smile...

I don't have a single fucking thing to smile about.... by the way.

I am on holidays... and I don't care.

I might or I mightn't have an appointment in Edmonton on Moday... no one called to confirm and all the times I tried... i got a machine. So what do I do? Go... get fucked over and wait another 6 months to a year.

I am never going to hear the end of it from Blair if I don't have an appointment because you KNOW somehow the confusion will be MY fault and quite frankly... I am not strong enough to listen to his shit anymore... as much as I love him, he's the most arrogant of any man I have ever known.

My one small smirk in this all... a few hours tomorrow night wiht an old friend. I hope he and he alone.... but I'll probably get sucked into some back east gathering of his friends and girlfriend... none of whom I care to see or meet... but I will for him.

I think I might have had the most miserable day in years today. I wasn't nice to anyone... not in person... not by telephone and the pattern isn't soon to change.

I came words away from telling customers to fuck off... meh... not my brightest moment... but with no consequence to me... actually... I muttered under my breath that a little bit of Toblerone would suit me well... my boss reaches into his pocket... hands me a 50... and says "I think they sell them at the Co-op... go get one on me."

He is TOO kind.

And as much as I bitch about him... he is kind to me... after lunch I was still grumpy about having to decorate the office. I just didn't feel like it... I wasn't vocal... but it was apparent... and he handed me a mickey of sambuca... with a grin on his face... "Drink this... THEN go decorate."

He cracked it open... but I can't drink... not with the pills I take for my back... and just because I shouldn't.

Now... i want sleep... to get to Edmonton... to see Jeff... and to relax for a week. I'd rather not fight with Blair at all... but we'll see.

In four days... we'll meet again.


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