� banter and ashes � 2003-08-25 � 10:04 p.m. �
It's been an enlightening evening... strenuous... encouraging...
I learned a bit about looking through in another's view... I am very different in the eyes of others than I am through my own... my strength and beauty apparent to them when to me it doesn't exsist.
I learned from an old college friend things I never knew... or was dumb of... and I feel bad for it.
It seems unreal... very unreal... it's not that I don't believe him, it's just that I am skeptical I guess... and maybe if I hadn't been so head-over-heals in love... so soon to be heart broken, I probably would have noticed them. All four of them.
In retrospect, knowing what I do now explains things I thought had no reason.
I am not the girl I used to be... in more ways than I ever guessed.
I also learned tonight it's hard to take advice from a man who broke my heart. No matter how much I know he still loves me... I feel like... who is he to tell ME about MY happiness.... I fucking tried... and tried hard. But eventually even I have to move on. He might be the only one I'll ever admit broke me... And I know he cared... just not enough.
His opinion still means everything to me... funny isn't it? And I am glad he wants to help... I am just jaded.
And lastly my mother reassures my faith that my father was born into a family of HUGE idiots. Somehow, the phoenix... he rose above... THANK GOD for him.
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