� Flattered. � 2003-06-19 � 10:34 p.m. �
Today's letter was ironic... I thought of this particular person several times this week.... for the same reasons it seems he thinks of me. I didn't know much of this, and I was probably better of that way...
~The other night a bunch of us from the show were talking about life and the regrets we hold. You came up for me, maybe because I never tried hard enough to make you stay. I don't know.
Did you know I carry pictures of you around with me? I have a couple in my work bag, a couple in my wallet and then I took a contact sheet and had the wee frames laminated and put on my key ring. I know it sounds crazy but I adore you like that. I haven't defined it, but I know that I miss you incredibly.
You say that you're not photogenic, but we do it for a living, and it's voted that those pictures are knock down. I have one with you sleeping off a headache in these huge flannel pooh pajamas. It's the angelic you. Sweet. Pure. One with you dancing around with a bikini top and a towel bottom. It's the crazy you. And one taken at one of our picnics in a skirt and a top, that top you had - that top I am not sure it could button higher than you had it, but i am sure I don't care either. It's the graceful you. The you I'll never forget.
-Haha- Amanda, my pin-up girl. I know you're laughing at me. But when I am where the weather's nice or when I am around Montreal or in Edmonton I think of you. It's those images I think of. I wanted you to remember that since I have been reading your diary and I've noticed you seem to be hard on yourself. You're a gorgeous girl. Full of life and love. Full of what people covet.
There is no beauty like yours. Honestly. Of all the girls I know and all the hands that have touched me, no one compares to your originality - to your difference. When you were a kid, did you ever think a guy who took his clothes of for a living would say all these things about you and mean them? Sure you did.
Seeing you briefly in May confirmed all that. Oh, Jackie was a little pissed you never saw him. I still think he has this nudie vision. It scares me.
Which reminds me I should probably stop by and see if my clothes are still hanging around your room. It might be a little weird asking your dad, since I am not your boyfriend and he doesn't know me, but I think I left the Gucci and I like the Gucci. I want it back.
Anyway, Sweetie, I wanted to say you're cool and I still think the world of you. I am sorry you're down on your luck lately, but don't be. You're beautiful and I hope your man says it every second word. If he doesn't, you know where to find me -laugh-.
Ciao Bella.~
I did laugh a little... you know me well... and then my heart sunk like a rock to the bottom of this pit.
I am not your regret... a was a fling... and I think that's a difference we never clarified. There is SO much about you that was perfect for me... and so much about you I couldn't live with. I think if you'd given up your career for me, Hun, you'd be hanging you head.
You flatter me. I am embarassed... I don't agree, but I appreciate your effort to make me feel like a queen. But you know I am in love.... and that he loves me.
"Man, Baby, what happened to me?!" *laugh* One day, friend, it will all make sense.
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