� Clear � 2003-06-15 � 7:14 p.m. �
My mind is crystal today... clearer than it has been in years...
Like I have no questions about tomorrow and I am not jaded about the days before. As if it has left me completely... I am not that naive... unfortunately. If only I could be.
I went out last night... with people I know and people I didn't. The laughs were many and hard... hard enough to last me a while... it is the first I've drank in any amount in years... it did nothing for me really either way but break my bank. It's an empty expense. I hate it. I thought I'd wake up with a reminder of it but i remember tricks from the days of old... how to NEVER wake up stuck in the night before.
I am not anticipating work at all... I am not looking forward to being the lone gunman in a shootout for the next two weeks. I am sure I'll make it... but I need STRENGTH... and strong I am not.
I bought myself a bikini last week... the smallest things make me happy... cheap cheap cheap... mix and match... so I can get my small bottoms and larger tops... though I nearly had to flash the girl in the store to make her believe me my boobs really are that big. Apparently I am shaped as a perfect woman should be *lol* whatever that means... it's amazing what sales people will tell you to make a sale.
They didn't have a size 4 bottom, so I settled for 6... and I couldn't decide on a style of top, so I got two... a triangle top... and a tube-type top at complete OPPOSITE ends of the sizing scale. I don't understand how one can be a 4 and the other all the way up to a 10... and 10 might even be small... dumb isn't it?
And I wonder what I even need a bikini for... I mean this is Alberta and it's never even hot enough to wear shorts (Easterners might only agree here)... very rare is it even 30 degrees and if it is, it's guaranteed to be windy enough to blow me over. I guess it's for comfort... for what I am used to wearing at home... at home I'd live in my bikini... and I'd swim two or three times a day... I suppose I miss that... and maybe buying a new swimsuit is my way of holding on to the small things that make summer for me.
It is something similiar to that new poutine place that opened in town, run by a Qu�becer... serving everything as it should be with steamies and coleslaw.
I had thought for a moment I had died and gone to my own heaven in Alberta. The smile on my face so wide as I tried to dig to the bottom of my fry dish.... hmmmm... steamies with coleslaw, poutine and soft drink.
I could gain weight just dreaming about it.
I need tea... an tyelnol... I need to stretch... and put away laundry... Ordinarily I dread the last three but in today's clarity, I am doing ok.
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