� Beauty's downfall � 2003-06-04 � 4:31 p.m. �
It's a beautiful day.
I woke up unable to function as a human might... I made it to the shower and I was so dizzy I leaned the whole way through... my head spinning whirlwind... the yellow happy faces on my towel nearly making me puke.
I sat on Blair's side naked and debating if I could fight, if only for today... could I do it? I couldn't.
The worst... I can't tell you what I am sick with. I just don't work. I can't bend 90 degrees at my waist... I can't put one foot in front of the other without tipping over. I am sloth in a girl's skin...
I am noticing that every voluntary function is work lately. It's difficult to live that way, with my mind CONSTANTLY needing to give direction. Even now I find I need to tell my fingers exactly where to tap or they'll tap any which way they please. It's unnatural for me, and maybe unexplanable.... but hardest is that I find myself giving up... being tired. I can't fight fairly so why fight at all?
I am sure I have plently of reasons and I am sure that if I haven't someone will lay a hundred down for me, but no reason in this world seems solid enough to convince me.
My head aches like a derailed train spilling chemical inside my brain. Fuses burning.... a light show not to miss I am sure, but I wish I could.
Haven't I done enough for this to be the end?
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