� One of my Truths � 2001-11-15 � 10:22 p.m. �
I talked to my brother the other night... the brother who takes wrong, and makes it ok... the one who devours my aniexty and pain...
I had to tell him I am sick... 'cause I hadn't before then... he just sorta assumed I was going about this world, like I used to go about it... with a smile... with strength...
He voice, so monotone, so sad... like something had hit him in the gut... "What's this mean?" I don't have answers... not yet.. Just questions and confusion. Nothing is certain, except that I am sick.
And I cried before I got any words off my tongue... I knew it would stab him.. I knew the blade would slide deep... and part of me wishes Mum hadn't forced me to tell him... wishes she had done it for me... the rest of me knows she's always right... and it's what I had to do.
Even beside himself, he managed to give me comfort as he always does... he believes that everything works out in the end for the best... how and why he believes that, I don't know. He reassured his love...devotion... and impowered me with his faith in a girl he used to know...
She was strong, but she's been dying slowly for a while...
And Heather... my sister through him.. his love... his sun... she's easily everything I've ever wanted to add to our family. Her honesty, her ambition and her hope, brings tears everytime. She just wraps us together with silk ribbon and lace... and somes days I just need to be around her... somedays I need her quarkiness to get me through... our her genuinity to guide me when I can't see the route.
Someday soon I have to call the brother who fights for me the best he knows how... and tell him I am sick. And I know what hurt does to him.. it makes him crave... and I hate that I'll have to do that to him... I hate that is how he'll have to deal... But like Mum told me... he can't be left in the dark... and it can't be avoided... today isn't about what he needs from me... but what I need from him... I hope he can handle it fairly... I need that as much as I need him.
My family's devotion and strength is beautiful. And I've only just begun to shatter it.
~what kind of scale compares the weight of two beauties... the gravity of duties or the ground speed of joy. Tell me what kind of gauge can quanity elation, what kind of equation could I possibly employ...~
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