� Faint a sound in my memory � 2001-11-16 � 9:21 p.m. �

---

~It was a though I'd been spit here, settled in, into this pocket of some sandy socket off the coast of France.... DEAR~

Another day starts... another day drags... another day ends for me... as it ended yesterday and the day before. Not much has changed except my medicines. More to add as I aim for less.

My mind is weak from thought, my body aches from living. And a friend is right... I am surrounded my a circle of support... my family, friends I know, and some I don't... not by face. And standing strong and centre with me... my Love.

I am so tired, but he's strong enough to carry my weight too. I am so miserable... but he tries to be optimistic for us both.... I feel dead... and he lives for me.

Friendship like that is a beautiful thing.

My life has changed dramatically in a year's time... I experienced jealousy and hurt... I learned what it is to be jaded and to make sacrifices. I found love, I live love. I kept love through rocky seas.

And now I am back on the beach... with all I learned and all I earned... with with jealousy, with jadedness, with life and with love... and in pain. Confusion so thick I wouldn't recognize my own face in a crowd. Where do I go from here?

I am not even a shadow of the girl I grew up with. The only thing we share is a name. I don't think like her... I don't laugh like her... I am not her. But we stand together... she a mile behind me... and we battle this thing... like a war.

I just hope the sand at my feet is soft, should I fall...

~and then the phone rang, you're doing all right, she said "it's out there most days and nights... and only a fool would complain.~

---

� previous � next � comments � diaryland � old �