� Shutter speed � 2001-08-06 � 9:15 p.m. �
Bordem gets the best of me... when I am bord, I think... when I think I long... when I long I ache and when I ache, I cry.
Most days I forget what I have... I've forgotten that I breathe, that i walk, that I see and that I hear. I've forgotten over the last few years that I am, in most senses of the word, alive. Redundance has me now... I don't need this structure and I don't need a map. I've been roving since birth.
Sometimes i think I've forgotten what's been given to me... by others... or by something more Devine. I have a beautiful BEAUTIFUL person to share the day and night with... he has opened his home... his life and supported me, cared for me when no else would have or when the ones who would have couldn't.
And still I miss trees, and I miss the feeling of green grass on my feet... i miss the smell of flowers in May... I miss tea in the sun... For what I have, I want more. I could have the all the flowers May blooms... but what then?
And unlike who i used to be... I want him... and I'd give the green grass and the trees to keep him...
I just can't shake what I am. I can't change that I've been hurt.
I get bord, so I think and I long... and I ache so I cry.
I need to lucidity.
~I don't go for the soft focus and the fantasy - I need something real I can think and say and see~
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