� shoebox � 2005-07-21 � 6:40 p.m. �
I was cleaning out my email and I found this... He was never good at the delicate things in life...
~Darling, I don't know where to start. Firstly, it seems they've closed my account, so I am using yours. I hope that's ok.
I have two things to tell you, and both you might want to sit for. The first, I've known for a while now and I was trying to get my head around it. You know I've been with Ana-Stace a while now on and off. She's thinks she is having a child. She says it's mine. If it's true or not who really can be sure, but regardless I'll support the child as my own for as long as I can.
Secondly, I'm just going to say it.
I have Hodgkin's lymphoma. I had this cold about six months ago, swollen glands and such and I never shook it. I was feeling drained. Couldn't do anything. I went for tests in Syds and my mother phoned to say they've been calling me for a recall. I've been bumming around Van for a bit, you know, thought I had a little strep or something, maybe mono. Seems it's cancer. I'm going back home to see an oncologist mate of me dad's.
It looks good, though Babydoll. Most people survive it. A little radiation - I'll be good, I swear it. I'm sorry to say it here. I should have phoned, but I would have heard your voice and I would have forgot what to say. And I know you'll cry and I don't want to hear you sad. I hope you understand. The way I love you like that hasn't changed.
I'm not sure what else to say. I am apparently a father and I have cancer. And I thought at one point my life couldn't get worse. I am just scared I'll have a child and then I'll die. Part of me hopes her pregnancy is bogus or doesn't last. Know what I mean?
I want you to know this, though. I love you regardless of my life's situation. Regardless of yours. And I'm truly sorry for things I should have known and done better of. I don't want anything from you. I don't want sympathy or forgiveness. I just wanted you to know. And now you do.
I'll keep in touch. I leave Friday for home. I'll send you a note when I get there.
Wish me luck, Doll, I need it.
All my love. ~
He didn't make it... and I can't bring myself to delete this
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