� cold and sore � 2003-12-29 � 8:30 p.m. �
I miss you more than I should.
I sit cold in the evenings... a life around me and when you run through my mind ice hits me. I hurt. Cold to my core, my bones ache... and it's all I can do not to shatter.
I saw David yesterday... remember David? You pushed me so hard to be near him... i thought for a moment you didn't want me... but I get it now... six years later...
I count the days since you've been gone. Torture... I know it... but I can't help it. I didn't want you around then... for a long time... and now that you're dead I bleed wanting to talk to you... wanting you settle me... to fix me. I want you to know those things I kept from you... I just want us to be friends again... nothing else.
So very unzen... holding on the pieces of a past this way... but I am sorry Hun, I can't put you in a bubble and blow you away...
Michelle might be right... we want the things we just can't have.
In whatever sense, I guess.
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