� Spark-y-mo-matic � 2003-10-19 � 5:51 p.m. �
For whatever reason... I am the fantasy. The unattainable. The joke has gone so far, I think most people who know us, believe it now.
I spoke to him today... for the first time since my birthday three years ago. Birthdays are our thing... he'd never forget mine nor I his, but it seems... since Blair... that has faded... as it should. He's probably called me twice since I have lived here... he htinks it's wrong of him to impose. I respect that.
He had me laughing tonight, like I've never gone... like he was sitting beside me cracking his jokes... stumbling on words and Freudian slips he played dumb about... Typical him...
He danced around my going back for another visit... because I didn't call him in May... He gave me shit for not makinf the effort - he found out the days I was leaving from my brother... and you know, it crossed my mind... but for the SAME reason he doesn't call here... I thought seeing him might be inappropriate.
He doesn't know much about me though... you know... he didn't know what it is I do... and when I told him, he said he was going to find me a job like it at home... so I can be close... "You know, I don't mean close to ME... just close to everyone. We miss you. We love you, Baby Doll."
I wouldn't put that effort passed him...
He has done wonderful things for me before... if only just sitting on the edge of my bed when I haven't been well... or cracking a joke when I was crying.... Making me dance when I didn't want to...
He's a good soul... and i am glad I know him... probably at one time in my life, I was as head over heals for him as he is me... and too proud to admit it... but things have changed... for him as well... he just likes to keep it going.
It's amusing....
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