� three cycles � 2003-09-30 � 6:16 p.m. �
I stumbled through like a whiskey whore on water and sunlight... barely there...
I am miserable. My mother swears I have bronchitis... but I think I actually have to have a cough for that. I don't... maybe it never left me completely... I don't know...
Customers left and right were saying similar things... "Wow, Hun, that voice sounds like pneumonia."
Whatever an pneumonia voice sounds like...
I tried not to speak to many people... I tried not to serve the best I could but we are a pair of hands down, so it's hard.
Trevor stood back from me as he coughed, mouth fully covered, and returned to the three inches between us when he was done... we laughed a little at the irony of his manners...
I can't get worse... I certainly can't feel much worse.
S. brought me in a slice of her boy's birthday cake as a cheer-me-up... that it DID! It is, hands down, the best cake I have had in my life. I am not a cake person. Least of all chocolate cake, but you know I could seriously eat that cake all day. It was fabulous. And I must give it a go the next time I have to bake a cake... Hmmm... maybe I'll bring desert to Thanksgiving and shock the crap out of my inlaws. I know daddy would love it.
I want my bed... a bath and my bed... but our bathrooms need to be cleaned in the worst way... and I might feel up to cleaning one if it had a reward at the end.
I am not a bath person... in fact, usually, baths disgust me.... I much prefer the pounding of a shower... it seems so much more... I dunno... hygenic than sitting in a tub of filth... but I am too weak to bear my own weight tonight... sitting in a day's dirt will have to do.
It's sauna warm here today... for the start of October anyway. I've nearly been here for three years... the longest I've settled in ages... it's almost frightening...
A lot changes in three cycles... a lot of growing and dying... plucking and pulling. I am not the same I girl I was then... but as a woman, I am still the same.
I have less humour and more respect... less fog, more clarity... and I wouldn't say I love you as much today as I did then. I don't.
I think man's attachment to woman can be unhealthy. More so than my own attachment to things. I don't forget a moment, don't get me wrong, but my view has obscured with age.
I don't dream vividly of you anymore... I think, perhaps I don't dream at all.
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