� Hiding in leaves � 2003-09-13 � 7:26 p.m. �
Fall has set in like a headache... pounding its cold against my joints. It doesn't belong here, and I suppose neither do I.
That one yellow leaf on the tree outside my window remains yellow... lonily... and I smile at it every now and then... like an old friend or a mirror... I see myself. The jaded me. The one who has lived long enough to know just about everything... and still doesn't. And like me, it hides deep within a sea of green.
In anguish of this life unravelling I am turning to people a year ago I wouldn't talk to... at least not to confide. Dare I say, people who know me, but are not family. People who have never carried my burdens and might regret being so willing to try. I am starting slowly... trusting.
One in particular I am forever greatful for. She is in many ways the kind of woman and mother I want to be... notice I say woman as if I am not there yet? It's still in debate... behind the walls. In camera.
I don't care to ever truly know.
The black rises along the south as the sun falls beneath the west... gone to drink for the night in Japan... to come home stoned and smelling of frost and spices early tomorrow morning.
Sounds exotic... but day after day the sun must get bored of the trip... I would.
For being a child of fire you would think I could relate better... but I don't.
I am craving warmth... in the form of lucidity. In the form of fruit and coffee and pancakes...
I want other people to be me... for a brief moment in time... to have this life flash before them... to understand my silence and my bitterness... to know where it comes from when I want to yell at the consession boy for being a prick and closing his till as I finally get there... or when I want to monkey jump on the backs of the idiots three rows up that can't decide where it is they want to sit. For the love of Mary... find a SEAT!
My patience wilts like blades of grass turned brown. These are the things I do, feel and think. I am not crazy... I am just not as boring as you.
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