� pain and memory � 2003-06-30 � 10:06 p.m. �
It feels a lot like treading in a sea of mercury.... the pressure of pain below my waist... and I struggle most of the day to stay human... let alone smile... or be friendly... today I managed both.
I am almost out of options... I am unsure... and I know the severety of consquence for each choice I have.
L. leaves tomorrow.... and at five tonight I wrapped my arms around her... we swayed for a moment in saddness... in the tears of a friendship... short but everlasting... and I couldn't help but cry... I don't believe anyone has to be strong in the face of loss of any kind... I walked to where Blair was waiting and I cried harder on his shoulder... he half laughed at me... I am emotional.... and I guess that part of it amuses him.
Truthfully, my heart is broken without her here to lean on. As selfish as that is.
Tonight my friend dropped nostalgia at my feet.... David Usher played at the Old Port. I wish I lived in Montreal for the festivals alone... I miss that like I do family. She said it was the first time she had seen him live... and I had to wonder, where was she the three times I saw him... or Moist... for free? They even played in our home town WAY back when in the rain. We were a stone's throw away... I was sure she came with me, but I guess I was wrong.
David Usher played here at the Corral last March... I never went for two reasons... one being he was at the Corral and it is THE WORST venue known to man for music... I suppose all venues in this city are shitty... and secondly the fee for the show was steep for a girl who had seem him close up for nothing more than a pretty smile and a wink at dread locks going my the name Dud...
Hmmm memories.... that incidently was the night that made me famous for stripping on the corner of Ste-Cat's... cold sober... men stopping at green lights and congregating a crowd of curious passersby... Yes, by friends, you can dress this girl up... but don't let her out without a leash. Somedays I make my mother so proud.
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