� One cannon down � 2003-01-26 � 5:03 p.m. �

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I am...

Not at all who I used to be....

I am not blonde.... my hair isn't long.... nor is it short really...

I am not as fit as I used to be... I don't stretch much anymore.... and I don't run....

I've lost my abs to die for, Trevor... what was six is now one that folds into two when I sit.

I am over a hundred pounds finally... maybe a little too far over.... that's why my eyes see in the mirror.

My undies dig into my hips sometimes...

My skin is poreous, blothcy and I have a scar over my right eye I never used have...

I also have a scar on my left hand that wasn't there two years ago and one that is hardly hidden by my underwear.

I've developed occasional acne thanks to birth control... and spider veins and anxiety.

Being a woman is so goddamned rewarding, I can barely contain myself sometimes.

I eat poorly... very poorly... but unlike before, at least I eat. And I drink tea only twice a week, Malcolm, what's wrong with me? I guess without you it doesn't taste the same...

I haven't really enjoyed the Hip since Phantom Power...

I don't take many pictures... I haven't written anything good since college.... my portfolio is growing but it is worse than when I started.

I remind myself of my mother when she tries to quit smoking... apparently that makes me a lot like my grandmother when she tried to quit drinking...

We all are products of our genes and there is no escaping that... but what exactly I am trying to break, i don't know. I wonder if I should take up smoking or drinking....

I am a blueprint for a battle ground and the destruction never ceases....

I am not at all who I used to be and I'd like nothing more than to blame it one someone other than me.

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