� One night come and gone � 2003-01-15 � 9:40 p.m. �
I felt detached... disarmed... Like I was standing on the front lines with a watergun in one hand and a paper ball in the other.
I feel that it's when you're not around I appreciate most the days you are.... I long for your touch when I can't have it... even if I didn't want it yesterday.
It's when you're not beside me that I can't sleep... even though all those nights you have been, you've kept me awake.
I can't dream properly knowing that you're somewhere else sleeping... even in a techno-coloured world our bed was half empty.
I went to bed early to compensate for that very possibilty... it didn't help.
Our home smells different when you're not in it. It sounds different without your breath... and the carpet feels funny beneath me without having your footprints to follow in.
Amazing isn't... how the girl who loved to live alone.... who still loves her privacy and time to herself... can't seem to function the same way when you're gone.
I didn't call anyone to pass the night away.... I guess because talking to you was enough for me... or because I was trying to figure out why one night away from you was strange... Strange I suppose since we've only spent a short time apart in our years together.... maybe a week and a half at the most. And I am sure it was easy for you... you had someone else other than the cat to talk to....
The cat, by the way, wasn't coping so well either... but, even if he won't admit it, he really did enjoy all that room in the bed. He told me that it beats the laundry pile tenfold. You might have a war to wage now.
I guess I needed to say that you're missed when you go... and that you're loved regardless of how I am.... how I am feeling.... or the mood I throw around sometimes...
It wasn't like the one night apart killed me... it was just different.... it rendered me ways I've never been before.... and I guess it was good proof for me that I need you for just about everything I do. For comfort... for security... for warmth.
When you hugged me after work today... tears puddled on my lower lids.... it was like someone handed me a blanket in the cold.... I could hear the wise words of anyone who has ever been in love before say "You just know".
And it's true... you do just know... but I also tend to forget sometimes... or dismiss... or take for granted greatly, what i shouldn't.
For all the bad luck I've had... for all the people I've loved and lost... I should know better than anyone to let you know just what I know when I know it.
I know that I love you... and even one night away, is one night too many...
When you have to leave for a week... I won't like it... but I'll cope.
And, make sure kitty knows your side of the bed belongs to me when you're not home.
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