� floor � 2002-12-09 � 7:54 p.m. �
I found myself sitting on the concrete floor at school... legs crossed with my head in my hands...
The world was going on around me as it usually does, but I was stuck there... a product of a past I can't escape from.
The sound of two lives interchanging... mingling and dancing in the other. Insanity and sanity cocktailed into one.
I tried hard to makes sense of something that never will... I took time to hear him... and feel for him... like there was a reason for his torture... and maybe now - retrospect at its finest - I know there never was.
One night in particular... the snow fell like pieces of Heaven from the sky... it was dark... and cold and I was alone upstairs with him... not by choice. Nate was downstairs coaching basketball.. and for the life of me, I just went to grab a sweater... but I had no business where I was.... none.
He pulled me into the cold... and held me in the damp of the fallen ice... held me there until my clothes were soaked through... my hair tangled and drenched... held me until i couldn't fight or breathe... until I thought my only effort to struggle might be my last... It hurt.
He went inside and took off his coat... I followed him... and fell to the floor with questions he couldn't make sense of.
He was put on Earth to protect me... to teach me... I was his gift from his Lord. I was his right. I was his. He believed that... and nothing I could ever say would change it.
It comes and goes at it pleases... the memories... the dreams... and I do my best to convince myself I did well with what I was given. I did well saving his life as he killed me....
I used to believe that good people make bad mistakes... and a second chance could redeem them... I used to believe that a child shouldn't have to pay forever for his sins...
I used to believe a lot of things... I was sixteen... and stupid. But maybe still I had it right...
I was an end for him... with me.... he washed his face clean.
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