� One week. � 2002-11-12 � 9:47 p.m. �
With every breath I am doing better... it's been a week since saddness hit me, and I can hardly believe it.
She was burried on Saturday - thousands of miles from me... Hundreds upon hundreds of friends and family were there to say goodbye... everyone who knew her... except for me. I am finding that the hardest part of all.
I've fought hard to find reason within it... struggled to see a purpose... I've lost friends before to tragic deaths - this isn't new to me, but still I cry everday for clarity and it hasn't come yet. I don't think it will.
I am still finding it hard to say that she's dead... to use that word and not be devastated... it's so definite... but I try everyday... and each day I am a little closer to believing it... accepting it. Without a final goodbye, without a funeral for me to see... I lack closure. It's not easy grieving far away.
I am trying hard... and I've noticed that so many people love me... i am not ignorant to that. I am just a little absorbed in my family and their hearts that I've forgotten to say thank you... but thank you... for asking... for caring and for being sorry. It does mean a lot to me.
For those who let me talk... and just talk... especially to a little miss honey who never made me talk... and still let me know that i could... it is that kind of simplicity that is helping me through. I appreciate it... and you. Thanks.
This week will be easier and the next better still.. and though I am not convinced that time heals anything... life with distract my mind from hurt...
Of that, I am sure.
� previous � next � comments � diaryland � old �