� Love Tara - by Eric's Trip � 2002-09-18 � 8:55 p.m. �
Interpretation is the barrier of all communication... Preception from one to the other is never the same...
Someone who reads here, likes to make me think. He sends me lengthly letters like riddles in rhyme twisted with poetry and somehow my tired mind gets around his words... finding the root and the seed... as I see it anyway.
And he's right... he couldn't be more right to question me sometimes... my words... my intentions in a life that lacks reason.
I live in a city that regresses my every sense of who i was raised to be. Everything from politics to the trees is different here, my friend. Dull yellow... stale and cold.
It lacks everything I know you see everyday... it lacks colour... the shades of skin and hair that walk your streets... don't walk mine. The steady rhythme of voices... the beat of their tongues... I don't get to hear anymore... and that hurts me slowly as water torture might.
I have travelled the country coast to coast many times... and this is where I've seen culture die... so yes... I hate this place... it hardens me.
But I believe in personal sacrifice for love and opportunity... I believe in fighting for what I want... and keeping it... and that comes, sometimes, with living somewhere I less than love. I believe in the one I need to breathe... and yes, I believe I've found him here... in this city... wrapped up in a strong frame, warm arms and eyes blue grey...
I speak of trial and stress because this is a moment of release for me. I get out what I'd otherwise keep in... to stay as sane as my mind will let me.
Do I know and not believe? I don't really know who I am anyway. i am changing always... every step I take is slightly different than the last and every road I walk, a new girl walks with me.
I've been a million different people in 22 years living... I was once strong... and confident... I was once liberal and accepting... I was worry-free - to the point of careless... I was selfish and bitchy... Once upon a time I was a kid.
I used to have a great laugh... and a constant smile... but the clouds caught up to me I guess... and I suppose anyone who says I was any of those things... in their time, I might have been. And I am not ignorant to admiration. But who i am today is not who I was yesterday.
So i guess everything you asked, can't be answered directly... it's all a dance. And the answers sit within me.
~I had to find the cuteness in unadorned... but I was torn...~
� previous � next � comments � diaryland � old �