� Stuck in Tar � 2002-09-07 � 9:54 a.m. �
In the stance of a busy week going dead I lay half awake this morning begging for a few more minutes of reprise.
But someone decided it might be a good idea to pave the parkway - on our side of the building nonetheless.
Wanting ecstacy of dreams, I was given the grinding, thumping, pounding pleasure of jackhammers, trucks and paver people. All I could choke out was a half angry... "Fuck, I hate living here".
Even now they work like drones... running around, shovels, hoes and brooms in hand... Yelling that everything is an emergency they don't have control of. It's fascinating really... compared to the tantra of everything else.
My face is a witch of infection brewing... stirring up the best of everything... and still there's little I can take to ease it - the joys of the medicine I need to live. And I don't know what is HARD to understand about it... but Blair keeps telling me to take something. Well I can't. I can't.
By the way... I CAN'T.... and if I could I am sure the over the counter stuff would clear it up... eventually.
I am just dreading any possible outcome... usually when I don't treat these things... it falls to my lungs and anger. What will be... will be.
So I wanted rest within the mess of these four walls.. I wanted comfort, my bed, my cat, my boyfriend.
But... they're paving... it's too noisy to sleep... my cat is on crack this morning... nearly choked on a twist-tie... I am not sure he'll make it the rest of the day... and Blair is playing baseball across the street for the better part of the day. Blair's Mum called... she's picking me up in a bit to go watch with her... Gladly I will...
I love Blair's family as much as I love my own.
There is still a wonder about fitting into a family you don't belong to... Like I have with all my closest friends... Vernon & Kim, Susan & Murray, Bill & Marilyn, Brenda & Gary.. with some I've gained grandparents too... There's peace in feeling like the child they were missing.
An extra set of people to care for you... nurture you and be proud.
Maybe I adopt parents easily... who knows.
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