� Suck it up... � 2002-07-24 � 10:47 a.m. �
I wonder what it would be like not to feel pain... To wake up and everything works ok, I wonder what that's like - in honesty I can't remember... I don't know if there's even a memory there to draw on.
My legs stopped working yesterday... painfully and abruptly... Unfortunately I was standing before i droped. I don't know why these things happen... but they do sometimes and I am left to suck up everything around me.
I home today swimming in the pain of legs that don't understand their purpose... with a sore shoulder and swollen hand that held me up when I fell - sort of held me up anyway.
I am going to the hospital in a bit... hoping for relief I won't get. To be told it was just another incident in a bout of.... of fibromyaglia.... if that even exists... in the bout of a life where the brain and the body don't live in sync.
I am not even in the least humiliated by the fact I fell. No one saw me and if they had, I don't think I would have been just the same. I cried at my desk yesteday without shame... I put my head down and let it pass through me.
If the people around me have a problem with how I deal with pain at it's worst... by all means, we should trade.
And Lisa put her hand on my face on her way the door and whispered "It's ok".
I am not sure that it is.... but I'll make it... regradless of Fate.
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