� Ocean spray � 2002-06-27 � 3:08 p.m. �
My lack of enegery has down spiraled to the constant need to pee... fire so it seems... and succeed every thirty minutes or so. Great fun, that is.
I couldn't go in today.... sitting and standing are difficult tasks today... I needed relaxtion... sleep.. and be as close to the ensuite as I could be.
I've thought, in my few waking hours, a lot about my need for a new direction. i am hearing often that I am not the same as I used to be... but no one really is... change is life... life makes us change... and in every respect i can see where I have.
For the last 18 months I haven't had an opportunity to grow... professionally... intellectually... I am in a rut... and I know all I know about my job because I taught myself... so where do I go from here? A different career. I know that's what I need. Blair seems to have this huge confidence that I am talented and willing enough to work on my own. To freelance or contract...
I don't share his enthusiasm... i don't think I am that smart... i don't think I'll ever have the confidence I would ultimately need....
I've weighed school... but I am not sure what to take. School half makes me hate what I thought I wanted to do from the start. It killed the writter in me... Though journalism and writing are hardly one in the same. One's a structure... the other is an art.
Que sera... sera.
I want clarity of all kinds to meet me.
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