� That's me in the Everglades � 2002-05-21 � 8:51 a.m. �
~My name is Marc.
I am a recovering junkie. I am a brother. I am a son. I am a father figure. I used to be a friend.
I knew this girl who took me for everything I was inside and not for the trouble I was on the out. She was an epiphany for me. A calling when I needed it.
My mistake was treating her like my priest. I confessed instead of confided. I always thought she was strong enough to hold me and somehow forgot she had her own to hold.
And still, years after I recovered I fell again. I hope it's brief but I can't tell for sure. I turn to her and without asking I make her listen.
She calls me a blame shifter. She says I hope for a magic that will never exist unless I make it. She says we all have trouble, but some people wallow in it and others over come.
She says so much it clouds my memory. She tells me I had a pretty good childhood. I was given everything and never realized it. She's right. I have wealthy parents who spoiled me. Gave me everything I need. I don't think they wasted things on me, but I suppose they probably did.
I never needed as a kid, I only wanted and I got that too. Money was always in supply and I could afford to watse myself early in life.
She tells me I feed myself with a silver spoon... even as an adult. I do. Only the best of everything for me. Of every world. And eventually it doesn't look so good.
I wrote her this letter last week about the ends of my life and how everything I thought I wanted I couldn't have. How I was doomed by destiny. How htings are not right for me. That I am 25 and lost in a world that awaits me.
I was hoping for comfort. I was called naive.
Once again, she is an Epiphany for me.
I was at a point last week where I wasn't weighing anything that I pumped into my veins. I blackout for a more than a day i think. I haven't seen my daughter for weeks and I thought noe seeing her face was the best thing for me.
And then I was reminded how naive I can be.
Thank you, friend for showing me.~
"I reread every letter you ever wrote me and then that diary entry. I sat down and wrote a speech for group therapy. And I wanted you to read it first, since you can't be there to hear me say it."
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I can't paste everything he says on here... but sometimes words need to be shared. You can leave words for him in my guestbook... if you feel the need.
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