� Crazy faces running through my mind. � 2002-03-28 � 10:29 p.m. �
I've been in a bad mood most of the day... Just feeling sick I guess... and tired of feeling that way...
This morning I thought back to my 19th birthday... you know... that just made my mood worse... It was the first year Mum and I spent our birthday apart... i was down just in that... but a friend and I had a plan to forget it.
We took a train downtown (Toronto) to walk around... get out the suburbs.... get away from school.. to get away from the middle of March and how it burdens me always...
Our plans... converstaion and planet hollywood... maybe play tourist for the evening... stay in some seedy hotel.. and watch movies until we could no more...
Three steps into the Sky walk.. i see a shadow of a man... the man I fear most in my life... fingers of steal.. eyes like knives... You know.. I thought it was a dream.. I thought it was the weight of the year falling down on me...
But he was real.. and he stood there - a road block. Just when I had fought so hard to forget him... he walked back in... three years and 500 km from where we met... where we mingled... where he cut me down to nothing... 500 kms from my fear and he was standing right there. Dropping dead would have been nice... Me or him.. I wouldn't have cared.
He spoke to me like i was human to him. Like we were equal... He preeched about forgiveness like it exists... He opened his arms to me... as if he expected me to walk in...
Raped all over again.
Whatever he wanted to achieve I guess he succeeded.... three years later i still remember the day....
The day I had a plan... a wish... a dream... and I remember how he pulled that from under me...
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