� In the right kind of light � 2002-03-20 � 11:14 p.m. �
I don't like...
People who pose... in any sense... in every sense... People who try hard to achieve some idea of being what they never will be. Those who lose what it to be natural... to be real...
I am annoyed with those who say they try so hard to be the best they can be... and their lack of effort, of ability, is so obvious it hurts...
Sometimes I want to stand above and scream... But I just stand below and watch... I learn more that way. I know not to step where one falls...
And I've long since stopped picking up the pieces for anyone who wouldn't even think of bending down and helping me.
I don't have it all worked out... not by any means... but I think it's possible there are some things I see and see clear.
It's been a long road in life for me... many people to break me... bit by bit... many people to bend and twist me... people to shape me... to obscure my view - then clear it.
Many lessons learned the hard way... and learned once... that's all one needs. No second chances... that makes me what? Bitter? Cold... or compassionate enough to know it what hurt means?
So I watch you... and you're ugly... i don't notice much until I see your face and read your words... I can understand why those you pushed away don't really care to know you ever again...
How's that for self-esteem... but I guess their comes a time, girl, when you have to start taking responsiblity for yourself... for who are... for what you look like - what you're beginning to be... beyond all understanding of the word ugly.
I can't stomach a pose... the pose of beauty... a belief in respect you think you deserve... And that dream that you just won't end.
~every crack in my bones tells a story. I talk like I am tortured and I pretend I don't bend.~
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