� in a phone booth � 2002-03-16 � 2:58 p.m. �
My kidneys feel like they're trying to get out... Like two giant weights in my back... Ughhh...
I haven't been much of anything lately... for so many months I've lost count... The realization today that i just don't like myself... don't like to see myself... not much for knowing myself... and I don't care either.
That whole process makes me bad at everything else... friendship, love and the value of everything else. I don't like to be around anyone... don't like being touched...
At a time where my own hole in a harlem wall would do just fine... for now.
And you know I am not the one who suffers... Everyone around me does... and I think they understand... but do they really? i don't know. I hope they have enough of it all to stay for the haul... is that a reality? I can't say so for certain.
And the fun part... I am not a problem I can move from.. wherever my body goes... my mind follows.
If there is anything about me now you are finding hard to swallow... say so now... Somehow I'll deal.
I keep thinking maybe someday I can make this all up to you... and someday I will.
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