� The Days of Old � 2002-03-03 � 8:46 p.m. �
Old friends... in length not age.
i spoke to a girl I used to sit with on the bus... from grade 2 until graduation... I think we shared every secret up until our last day of class...
Talking to her was hysterical... nostaligic... and i am amazed at what she remembers...
Marc...
She was talking about roommates... how she needs ones... and she asked about you...she remembers your stories well... About Heidi... and how you kicked her to the curb... and Tay... she asked if you married her... *laugh* "Not by definition..." it's worse... much worse...
She spoke continuously about changing ways... It seems to me like she wants to run fast and far from where we grew up... seems she feels like the people past are keeping her... friends from old are tying her down... maybe she'll find a way to release herself from that...
I felt that way too... long ago... like I had nothing in common with the people in my life... like they needed to sit in out nest and I needed to dive.... and when I go home, that feeling stays... I look around... and Daddy pays for this... old money has paid for that... she's never worked a day in her pretty little life... and they sit around the pub crying about who is seeing whom... and the consequence that would have if it was their business....
I am here... I am real... I am out of school... and I did this all by myself... Someone's gotta care... but they don't.
No one has said they're proud... Not family... not love... nor friend.
And those friends...I wonder.. Reality has different opinions sitting on the course that life takes... friends think it's fine to be with people only for pleaure... purely for sex...
Little Miss not stuck on the morals... never have cared about what is said to be right... thinks that's wrong... Voted the cutest and the mostly like never to marry and to marry rich... hey... you know... I might have come off a little more superficial then what they actually are... Looks... thoughts... actions... might be not be grounds for bias... what you see is not what you know.... often not what you get.
Yeah fun was fun when I was fifteen... and then life hit me hard on the back of the head.
I listen to tales of one-night things... flings... and I knew these people way back when... that isn't them.. they know better... they are better...
And when it's the best people you have ever known... your best friend... her little sister... you have to wonder... where did I go... right?
Five years is nothing... but a lot can change... you can grow up... stay the same... fall in love... fall out... once, twice and more...
He might have been Heaven.. and then fell to your Hell...
Nostalgia... or jealousy? Wishing i could still sit in a pub that's been around longer than time... throwing bets as to which marriage might make it... which ones won't...
Wishing my cares were school related... relationship related... wishing everything else was of no consquence at all..
Can't see how I'd really be green to live a life on that street... where generally i am worthless unless i am with someone who costs more...
"She could do better... I mean the way he looks.. whatever...to each her own... but he treats her like shit... and that makes me wanna kick them both in the teeth...."
Yes, my friend... she's a sister to me... but we're all really stupid sometimes... in the people we choose to let ourselves love...
I am powerless to our past... to her future... as her best friend... I have to let her decisions be.
I am glad for the path I took.. I am glad I left when I could...
I am glad that town isn't my enemy anymore... it's a holiday... a place of retreat...
The days of old.... when tomorrow was new....
~No one is interested in something you didn't do...~
� previous � next � comments � diaryland � old �