� Too tired to breathe � 2002-01-04 � 11:42 p.m. �
Gifts came from Cameron and Heather today...
Three sunflowers... three hooks... three sunflowers, a sun catcher....a necklace made of corn... unique... made by hands and a heart that love me... to heal me.... if only... it might work... a brace dish for it to sit, when it's not worn...
And the finest of all... a wooden bowl, made by Cam... the first he made... it's beautiful... shallow and rounded... smooth to touch.... It's one of a kind... no other ever will be alike... and I don't know what's worthy enough to be in it.... not yet.
And these were not called Christmas gifts... they were "Happy gifts".
'Be happy... Live Happy... Stay happy.... and when you're not.... be near them, and you will be near us.' Gifts. Memories of them... memories that made me... that make me happy.
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My right arm hurts... I had a shot yesterday... think being a girl is bad... be a girl who needs liquid life each month... and it never hurts less... the sword itself isn't long... but what's in it burns like acid through your skin and muscle... down your arm... or leg... followed by numbness... for as long as it likes...
It's bright red for a reason... for fire... and hate...
And today it's like my mind has forgotten my arm... it won't do as I tell it... it hangs mostly... in pain... great pain... just to add to the arregvation of womanhood a little... As if I enjoy it...
Kill my lower back for now... add cramps for the morning... sore legs for evening... and because life isn't a challege enough that way... we'll add the sting of b12... when, if I was ok... I'd feel like shit... and since I am not... I might as well go all the way...
I really must get that schedule changed...
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Sometimes I need my own kind of candy... and tonight I need sleep.
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