� Nothing Felicity about me � 2001-12-31 � 9:20 a.m. �
Another year gone.
A Hard year... A year of huge change... a year of mourning losses... even if the loss was last year...
A year of standing outside looking in... a year of having NO control.... a Year... I'd give a thousands lives not to live... or the same to live again... and a year I am not sure I would change a thing.
I used to be happy... most of the time. I'd laugh a lot... lots... humour was sanity for me... and sanity, I've never had. I used to be a little crazy... a little out there... and seldom was I where I should have been...
And then... I cut my hair.
Oh... some of you are going to read this, brows twisted "Ummmmmmmmmmmm Okay..."... some of you are going to read this and know EXACTLY what I mean. Some of you have watched me change the way I have... some of you I've taken with me to Oshawa, to Montreal.... To Newfoundland... and back. Some of you I left where you better belong... where life is fine for you... Some of you just aren't strong enough to hold me down or lift me up.
And a few of you get stronger with every blow I take. Some of you have rang a new year in with me... once or twice... either by kiss or by phone... and you watched as yester year's me fades... The dryer... gloomier... sadden me... The hard me... the part of me that gets tougher... and is so hard to break.... keeps going only because she has to.
I don't have any resolutions... resolutions are for the weak and unfocused... for those who need an excuse to make a change... for those who can't pack their bag on a Monday in Montreal, and be on an Island in the Northern Atlantic... away from everything familiar... on the following Thursday... Resolutions are for people who don't know how to resolve things on their own. People who need a will and a way... Instead of making the path on their own... they follow the people years before them... towards a useless goal... a goal they will never achieve... one they never wanted... a change they will never need...
There is nothing Felicity about me.
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