� Living Reflection... and a Dream � 2001-12-09 � 12:42 a.m. �
~Sheets of empty canvas, untouched sheets of clay, Were laid spread out before me as her body once did.
All five horizons revolved around her soul, As the earth to the sun. Now the air I tasted and breathed has taken a turn.
And all I taught her was everything...I know she gave me all that she wore...
And now my bitter hands shake beneath the clouds, Of what was everything.
All the pictures have all been washed in black...tattooed everything.
I take a walk outside. I'm surrounded by some kids at play. I can feel their laughter, so why do I sear?
And twisted thoughts that spin around my head... I'm spinning... How quick the sun can drop away.
And now my bitter hands cradle broken glass, Of what was everything.
All the pictures have all been washed in black...tattooed everything.
All the love gone bad turned my world to black......tattooed all I see...all that I am...all I'll be.
I know someday you'll have a beautiful life, I know you'll be a star in somebody else's sky. But why, can't it be mine?~
No... I don't feel that way... but I guess those words have satyrically become my theme...
i am not my biggest fan these days...
I am wondering where I went. My parents have noticed a difference in a year... tell me you have too... Marc, Davy... yeah even Grant... not that I talk to any of you much... Davy... not as much as we should.
I am not really sad today... i am just wondering what more am I suppose to take.
Everything seems too much.
I had a dream I was with him again... yeah him... the name is curse, I know... I had a dream it was a thursday night and he caught me in the hall by the fish tank at school... and he boyishly looked at me... like he usually did... and he smirked... and he asked what he could call me... "Honey or Precious maybe?" and he took my hand tight... and held it hard.. and I wanted to pull away... but I was froze there... what would he want with me?
And he tells me he was put here to protect me... and I drop like a bird with broken wings... i sit on the cold brick... armed with nothing more than my words...
He says that was his mission in life... to keep me safe from evil... to surround me... and teach me.
Why wasn't I worried then... why didn't that scare me? Was I too na�ve? Maybe...
And then it was grad... and I walked off stage... in the back behind our caff... I was leaning there.. and as he always does... it follows me... and he was right there behind me... Like that curse.
It was a hard night as it was... but he didn't have his family there... and he leaned beside me... he told me that I was lucky... I didn't feel lucky... I felt raped. But I reached up.. and I hugged him... and I hugged him as hard as he held my hands that night... and I told him it was ok... He told me that I wasn't crazy like he told the world I was... that he was wrong... and he was sorry...
and It was then... I walked waked away.
That's the girl I used to be. I know people think i am weak for that... they think I was wrong... But you see... i saved two lives night... and you know... I won...
I miss that girl.
Goddamn... I wish I was that strong.
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