� Shadows of the sun � 2001-12-06 � 10:58 p.m. �
I refound apart of past tonight... a part I miss a lot more than I knew.
He's beautiful. Genuine. I've known him five years and it seems the five years I've lived and died most.
We have a bad habit of falling away... not of forgetting... but of getting busy... preoccupied with our lives... he with his baby, and the girls he loves. Me... with myself... my boys... my pity. And I guess that's the way we always were...
Everytime I speak with him... I am reminded what true friendship is.... he's the glue that held me together at a VERY hard time in my life.
he was lucidity... he was tranquillity... he was a place without prejudice... a place for me with no fear. I understood myself there and then... and I am not sure I have so cleary since.
Not until Blair.
My Love. You know... i am sorry I am how I am... not that you read this... not that'll you know... i am sorry I am how I am with you sometimes...
It's hard for me... the kind of hard I can't share.
And I know you pull your self in all directions too... I see that.... I feel it... i appreciate it.
You're my clarity... and I know I don't look so clear.... But right now, you're the only bit of a reality I have.... a little bit of something that doesn't hurt.
So if I cry when you talk, it doesn't mean you hurt me.... maybe the words did... or my body does.
If I get angry with you... i am just tired.
I am just a tiny girl in a very big world.
Forgive me.
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