� Pedals of a rose � 2001-11-29 � 4:02 p.m. �
Dear Mum,
I love you.
I am doing ok, I guess. Or at least I try. I realized today that you are the one and the strongest link to me. That I am everything because of you. I am smart, I am pretty, Iam short and I am thin... all because of you.
I love with your furry, I anger with same convictions, I dream of the same ambitions... I cry with the same tears... over the same things.
The contection between us runs deeper than the date we were born - much thicker than the blood that we've shared.
I know you blame yourself for everything. I can hear it in your voice...and when you cry... Even with the country between us, I can hear you cry at night.... I can hear you pray. I know you've been thinking that maybe you shouldn't have fought so hard to keep me here, and well... I know you think maybe it wasn't worth it... for me. But I don't think that way... and I don't blame you... Everything you've ever done for me was a gift... and if I ever thought this road was rough... I just remind myself of the road you've walked. There's a lot more bumps and bruises... Anything I had to fight for... you fought with me.... but you fought twice as hard... in case I thought I wouldn't make it.
It's been a year to the day since I've sat on your bed, or went through your things. It's been a year since I've passed you in our hallway in our house and hugged you. It's been a year since I've been home.
I can't believe twelve months have gone without me hugging Dad. I miss him. I miss his arms... and the way he smells. I miss the way he doesn't talk... I miss the way he makes me feel... like I am special... like I am his one of a kind. You hit gold with him, Mum. There will never be a better man...
Growing up is hard sometimes... the choices we have to make... the decisions that tear us apart... the boys and the clothes... and what's cool - more less-much less of them than us. The tragedies, the deaths, the heart breaks, the hurt...
And the hardest thing of all is leaving home for good. Leaving the comfort of your birth... have you ever wondered why we keep coming back? Because no one will ever begin to compare to you and Dad, and no one can make us feel so safe. No one will protects us from the wind and the snow... or shades us from the sun. No one will rearrange their life for us... because we need them to.
No one but no one is you.
You are the beauty of all things perfect. You are my moon, my stars and Sun...
And for my life and the help I've had through it...
Thank you Mum.
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