� Until now � 2001-10-03 � 9:17 p.m. �
~Girl you thought that's the way it's gonna be... what this is all about.... but that's the way it ALWAYS was... you chosen not to notice until now~
I know some people deeply... through their heart and to their soul. Others I only know through what they tell me... by words I read... and I wonder about both sometimes... if they missed a process in life I'always known...
I've never lived thinking life was all about me. Maybe I've had to fight too hard for these legs and these lungs to do that, I don't know. Maybe my mother always taught me the only blame is mine.
I get angry... I make mistakes... I am sorry... it IS my fault. I had a choice... I chose wrong... I am suffering....
For every action there's a consequence... and if you're not willing to play by that rule... don't play at all. You have to learn to take a punch if you throw one or not...
And most importantly you have to take that punch alone... You have to learn to live and love yourself alone... without family... without a boy... without ropes and anchors... without a net.
My Mother taught me that strength was all I need to get through this...
Reassurance that I am not as bad as I feel... and if nothing else I have her to remind I've done well, at least by her...
I guess those I know have missed out - on the trials of life... the struggles, the losses... the ugliness and the pain... and for that, they think losing a boy is losing their world.... when all is really is is shaping it.
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