� long over due and done � 2007-04-01 � 8:15 p.m. �
I'm beat down.
I won't dress it up for less than what it is...
I won't dance around it.
I'm beat.
I'm beat from cleaning... and cleaning and thinking... and crying... and drinking... laughing and cleaning, loving and weeping.
My tummy aches like the inside of it is being torn to shreds... It feels like something is trying to escape me.
I have been sick for weeks... six weeks actually. I've been throwing up for the last 3 weeks.... I'm tired... I'm tired, I have never been so tired.
Yesterday, a man I know died. He was married to a friend in Newfoundland... He is one of those people that I am richer for having known. He is kind. Incredibly kind... I cried for hours yesterday when I heard he was living his final hours and I cried myself to sleep last night when I heard he had succumbed to his fate.
I'll miss him.... I'll miss the letters his wife would send me filled with his goingson... always a good story about him... I will miss the woman I knew in here, for I know that losing a husband to anything changes a woman at her core.
I aspire to them... I call them husband and wife. In trueness they had been divorced for years. Three, perhaps four. They stayed friends... and were always the others major support system. His parents died not more than three years ago - one one year and the other the next. Then, he fell ill, so my friend, being the height of selfless, took care of the things that needed taking care of. She sold her former in-laws' home. She dealt with their affrais when he couldn't. And then.... she took care of him.
He was diagnosed 10 months ago with cancer. He went in for surgery around the time of Stanley Cup on CBC... and when he was in hospital she went to the home they used to share, cleaned it top to toe, and moved the larger TV into his room so he didn't have to be uncomfortable watching his game that night. She knew he wouldn't miss a game, no matter his pain, so she made it as easy for him as she could. I honestly don't think she left his side from that moment on....
Even last night as he drew his last breath... she was beside him... and she says to me... "I hope he knew he wasn't alone."
I think that's all he ever needed... was for her to be there. He knew she would never leave him and I know he knows she had his had to her lips as he died.
It's what is meant of love and marriage.... of friendship... when they said until death do them part... that's what they meant.
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