� Turn right at exit 68 � 2006-06-09 � 10:03 p.m. �
I have a cramp at the back of my head and like a spider, its eight legs are crawling ever-so-slowly down my spine... seeking, what I can only assume, will be the ultimate revenge for the week I have had.
Compliments fall like rain... and the words just feel empty.
I crave honesty.
Honesty and chicken.
A longtime friend is getting married next week... when I say "longtime" I mean he moved to my town in the fifth grade... and we haven't stopped being friends since. He's changed completely. He's not the boy I grew up with... he's not the man I saw blossom when we were teens... he deviated from the path we were all so certain he would take... and he sort of removed himself from the circle... I've always just stood halfway in myself... with one hand keeping the chain... and the other hand holding his.
When he sent me the email (yes he went super formal) inviting me to the camp-out wedding in New Brunswick... when he sent me the details and the map... my heart sunk. I had this weight near my lungs and I couldn't breathe for a moment... It hit me that we're not thirteen anymore....
I tried to explain this to him... I don't think he understood. I'm happy for him.. I'm sad for losing our youth. I didn't feel this way on my wedding day... but I have bigger fears for my friends....
"But a fear of what, Hun?" he says...
Who knows. Of losing you, I suppose.
I'm still thirteen sometimes... I'm still in a room full of my friends with my head on his chest and our legs tangled... listening to the hum of the words around us... laughing at the conversation and lying about the things we're going to do... the things we're going to be when we grow up...
Look at us... pretending to be all grown up and such.
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