� Of mice and men � 2006-05-16 � 6:58 p.m. �
So she said she had lunch with him... and she didn't know that bringing up my name would be like pouring acid on his plate...
Well, what can I say I tend to have that effect on some... and I should have told her, since we speak a lot, that he and I were through.... as friends... as people who loved eachtother once upon a long long time... we don't exist to the other...
I never told her, because after I cried the first night, all night, it stopped mattering to me.
But it felt good to tell her... to tell someone who knows us both how I felt... and why, for the first time in my life... I let a friend go...
"I don't think you get it," she says... "his side," she says... "I don't think you understand his hate is a face he uses for what he really thinks."
Why should I get it? Why does it matter? We're both married to other people and I don't love him. I don't mean that I don't love him the same... I mean I do not love the man... and he'd have to work the rest of his life for me to ever truly care again.
My love was whole... and worth fighting for... but instead he stole it... wiped his ass with it... and gave it back without so much as a thank you.
Why should I care how he's feeling?
"I don't think things are good for him. Have you met her?"
No... and I never will. But I'm sure she's wonderful. She'd have to be to throw away our years....
"No she isn't. She's the opposite. You don't get it. He loved you more than life. You left him and he fell apart.
He still loves you more than life, he just can't admit it. You were his one but he was too messed up then to hold on to it."
I know he does... I never said he didn't... nor that I didn't know... what I said was he raped me of everything I had to give him... he uses it when it's handy... when he's hurt. I am the go-to for a broken heart... I am not his friend. I am his regret.
i'm not in the business of fixing fucked up men...
So once again, my friend... he doesn't exist to me anymore... but when his world crumbles... do me a kindness... and catch him.... I won't.
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