� Fears � 2005-12-07 � 9:03 p.m. �
Can we escape our past?
Never. To think we can is kind of stupid.
My father, since his retirement, plays a large role in one of his local charities... one of the things he does every year is hand out stuffed toys at the Peds ward of the Montr�al Childrens Hospital. He has done it for years, and every year my mother goes with him.
It's hard for them both to see sick kids. They love kids and a hurt kid hurts them...
But yesterday my parents were given a tour of the recently improved N-ICU... it's the first time my mother's been in one since I was there... she cried. And cried. Apparently a nurse was a bit confused by her emotions and asked her if she had has a baby in there.
Mum shook her head "No. At Maisonneuve-Rosemont."
The nurse said, "Oh, and will she be ok?"
Mum cries... "Yes. She'll be fine. She's getting married in March."
"Married?"
"Yeah, I haven't been in one of these for 25 years. It's still hard."
haha ok, now yes, my mother is a pretty woman, and she doesn't look her age, but she does look beyond her child bearing years, so how old did this nurse think I was?
The story made me laugh a bit... but I can understand my mother's tears. Those were the worst days of her life. Seeing me laying there in sheet thin skin, heart pumping through my flexible ribs... IV in my head and tubed from cord to lips.
It's her nightmare.
The nurse, after the story was told, was shocked that I survived, and even argued for a bit that it was possible. Apparently papers read that no one as tiny as I had survived in the city until the mid-eighties. hahaha.. well... there was me, and if you dig hard enough there is proof of that somewhere.
But it made me think... we really don't escape our fears. Not at their source... and we don't realize until we meet them again. Like my mother yesterday when stroking some tiny baby's hand. That was once a moment in time she never wanted to live and living it again freaked her out... even if she was removed from it.
She called me at midnight her time... waken from her hellish dreams... "I know it's late, but I haven't told you today how much I love you..."
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