� I worry, friend... because - � 2005-12-02 � 10:21 p.m. �
M...
You know what I realized with your last entry... and I have to say it worries me some - Of all the talking you do of him... of all the things you've said... you've only ever said that you love the way he makes you feel... love that your family loves him... love that he loves you... love that you feel needed... but you haven't yet said that there is anything about HIM that you love, or that you even love him at all. Plently of men will come and go... cuddle you and be the puppy when you get home...
Plently of people will fit well into your family... wake you up in the middle of the night... talk to you... shop with you... share the smaller, finer moments in life... the world is filled with men like that... it's what most men are like when love is fresh...
But what is it... about him, and not you or what he does for you that makes you want him?
I guess I'm less and less convinced (not that I have to be at all) everytime you say something like that, that it's true... everytime you say it, it reads so one sided... like this is his dream come true, to have you... and for you... it's just what you've always needed - to be wanted - and never what you've had... But is this what you want? Well, anyone who has read here would say, no.
For all the years I've been here reading, this is the most insincere I've felt you've been... the most glossed over... the most mirrored. I worry that you're kind of wrapped up in making sure you have something better than Nathan that you're forgeting for a second what your goal is.
That's you. And Mike... and being happy with Mike because Mike is Mike and not just because he isn't Nathan... or because he's better than Nathan. Know what I mean?
Maybe it's simply the writing and the misinterpretation of the words themselves...
I'm just doubting it all a little... and it's breaking my heart to think that you're settling.
I hope you're not.
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