� Montreal � 2005-11-23 � 8:09 a.m. �

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Those living near, lived in, or have even been to... will understand this. I laughed at the truth of it all....

You know you're a Montrealer when:

You pronounce it "Muntreal", not "Mahntreal".

You have ever said anything like "I have to stop at the guichet
before we get to the dep."
{hahaha I still call it a Guichet... I've been in the west for YEARS}

Your only concern about jaywalking is getting a ticket.
{hahah still do it}

You understand and frequently use terms like 'unilingual,'
'anglophone,' 'francophone,' and 'allophone.'

You agree that Montreal drivers are crazy, but you're secretly
proud of their nerves of steel.

You have to bring smoked meat from Schwartz's and bagels from
St-Viateur if you're visiting anyone west of Cornwall.
{Mmmmmmmmm I'm hungry}

You refer to Tremblant as "up North."

You know how to pronounce Pie IX.

You have an ancient auntie who still says "Saint Dennis."

You know that when a foreigner says "It's on Rene Levesques, they really mean Dorchester.
{ha - ha - ha}

You believe to the depth of your very being that Toronto has no
soul but your high school reunion is held in Toronto because most
of your classmates live there now.
{lol... so true it hurts}

You greet everyone, from lifelong bosom friends to some one you met
once a few years ago, with a two-cheek kiss.

You know at least one person who used to work for Nortel.

You've been hearing Celine Dion jokes longer than anyone else.

You can watch soft-core porn on broadcast TV, and this has been
true for at least 25 years.

You cringe when Bob Cole pronounces French hockey player names.

You get Bowser & Blue.

You were drinking cafe-au-lait before it was latte.

You order fries 'with sauce', not 'with gravy'.

Shopper's Drug Mart is Pharmaprix and Staples is Bureau en Gros,
and PFK is finger lickin' good.

You really believe Just For Laughs is an international festival.

For two weeks a year, you are a jazz afficianado.

You need to be reminded by prominent signage that you should wait
for the green light.

Everyone on the street - drivers, pedestrians, and cyclists - think
they're immortal, and that you'll move first.

You're proud that Montreal is the home of Pierre Trudeau, Mordechai
Richler, William Shatner, Leonard Cohen and the Great Antonio...and, you
consider Donald Sutherland (and by default, Keifer), Guy Lafleur,
Charlie Biddle, and Roch Carrier Montrealers, too.

You know that Rocket Richard had nothing to do with astrophysics.
You've seen Brother Andre's heart.

No matter how bilingual you are, you still don't understand "ile
aux tourtes."

You know the difference between the SQ, the SAQ, and the SAAQ.

You measure temperature and distance in metric, but weight and
height in Imperial measure.

You show up at a party at 11 p.m. and no one else is there yet.

You know that Montreal is responsible for introducing the following
to North America: bagels, souvlaki, smoked meat, poutine and
Supertramp. Also, Chris de Burgh.

You don't drink pop or soda, you drink soft drinks.

You have graduated from high school and have a degree, but you've
never been in grade 12.

The margarine in your fridge is the same colour as lard.

Every once in a while, you wonder whatever happened to Luba.

You never thought that Corey Hart was cool, but you know someone
whose cousin or something dated him.

There has to be at least 30cm of snow on the ground in less than 24
hours for you to consider it too snowy to drive.

You remember where you were during the Ice Storm.

YOU'RE A HABS FAN; ALWAYS HAVE, ALWAYS WILL BE.....

You know that your city's reputation for beautiful women is based
on centuries-old couplings between French soldiers and
royally-commissioned
whores (aka Les Filles du Roi). {hahahaha}

And if you were a woman born in the city, you are BEAUTIFUL, and there's no denying it.

You don't understand anyone from Lac-St-Jean, but you can fake the
accent. {hahahahahahahahaha... yeah that's true!}

You've been to the Tam Tams, and know they have nothing to do with
wee Scottish hats.

You discuss potholes like most people discuss weather.

You encounter bilingual homeless people.

While watching an American made-for-TV movie, you realize that
"Vienna" is actually Old Montreal, that "New York" is actually downtown and
that the "The Futuristic City" is actually Habitat '67.

You find it amusing when people from outside Quebec compliment you
on how good your English is.

You have yet to understand a single announcement made on the Metro
PA system, no matter what the language.

You don't find American comedians speaking "gibberish" French even
remotely funny.

You don't find it weird that there's a strip club on every corner
downtown.

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