� Some days � 2005-11-17 � 8:01 a.m. �
There are some moments in a day when I hurt so badly all I want to do is curl up and cry. There are some moments on those days that that is exactly what I do. But there are the other moments when I need to be aware of where I am the how inappropriate crying may be... like most of yesterday... when I could hardly move my arms at all for wincing... and by start of the day already I don't think today will hold much relief from that.
I was suppose to get up and go for blood work before work... but the funny thing is I hurt so fucking badly... (and am higher than a kite these days) that I, without exaggeration, could not get my feet on the floor an hour earlier than I needed to. So I didn't go... and now I probably won't until Saturday.
My medicines work... the anti-spastic/anti-pain, antiinflammatories they have me juiced on... the weird gel cream shit that I use to numb my muscles between dope hits... it all works temporarily.... but being a walking zombie is simply no way to live a life...
I want something more than settling... I need a solution... not just a band aid... I think we as a whole, seem to forget the difference between the "answer" and the "solution"... One is definite... with one solid end... and the other can be one of any multiples... I strive always for truth... reason and the one proper way to fix anything.
Somethings are only as multi facetted as we make them... I know some how, some way, someone will figure this out.
Let it be soon... sooner than marriage... sooner than babies.
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