� Pain free. � 2005-09-21 � 9:03 p.m. �
Do you ever wonder why people look at you and see beauty?
What it is within that forces their image of you...
I wonder that a lot... I guess I don't see it and never will.
I woke up for the first time... well for the first time since the last time I woke up beside him... and I didn't hurt... and I wasn't tired... and I didn't beg my body not to shut down before noon.
I'm slowly turning myself back into the girl who knew how to care for herself... and my choices might be paying off... Not to jinx myself...
It's a slow go... and I lack motivation... but it's incredible not to be in pain... It's unbelievable to me... and I never thought I would see this day again...
I thought in the summer of '98 my life had changed... and I had turned from girl to ghoul for good. I thought pain was my life... and I could learn to live with it, or learn not to live... I believed every doctor who said "I'm so sorry kid, but this is it..."
And maybe it still is... but for this one day in 7 years... every other day seemed worth it.
Don't hold me to it.
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