� sum � 2003-05-12 � 11:23 a.m. �
I find in sanctuary so many things I haven't missed.... a complete lack of menatlity... a way of life that is unlike any other way of living... and I wonder why I forgot so fast.
And in sanctuary I find love everlasting... every strong... I find confidence I sometimes lack. Here I know who I am, completely, within the company I stand. I am the girl who dreams bigger than everyone else. I am the girl who got out... the girl who has seen and lived and loved and pained. I am the girl who struggles and fights.
The black sheep amongst a field of dreary white.
I am making a point of this visit being about family and not friends. I told Steven I was here... I'll see Amanda and Nate and maybe Ian... but I am not running around filling my holiday with old faces... not this time.
Family becomes hugely important when years and land span between us....
I didn't realize how much I missed my cousin until my face made him cry... I never realized how much it hurts not watching his son grow up... he's a beautiful boy... and having his little body in my arms made me ache. Leaving him will wreck me. The longer I am away the less he knows of me... though he somehow called my name and gave me a hug before anyone else. Children are strange that way.
I worry a little bit about well being here... about how people think. By 9 friday night I well educated about the smokable types of weed.... about white rhino... as if I cared to know... ever.
I worry about children here... shake and think they haven't a sweet hope in this hell of drugs and drink... I am not a mother but I have never seen mothers care less than mothers tend to careless here.... I believe in a child's right to have everything he needs to sustain fully... and some mothers here don't give that.... not whole heartedly anyway.
Life here changes.... but it's still very much the same.
� previous � next � comments � diaryland � old �