to thine own self... be fake. 2010-01-21 10:10 p.m.


It's certainly been a while... well, my life just isn;t that exciting. You know it's a sad day when the height of it is getting a brand new "gold" credit card in the mail... the limit didn't change, nor did the interest drop... it's just gold.

Sadder STILL is when the next day's excitement is receiving your new client card in the mail... and it's GOLD TOO! Which to be really honest, I'm going to @#$%ing hate because I'll be constantly pulling my client card out when I want my visa... forethought would have gone a long way there, Royal Bank.... but you didn't ask me, obviously.

Or maybe you did, and I just didn't read my mail. Possible.

Speaking of hate... I've had hate on for a lot of things lately... and for people I didn't think I could. Maybe hate isn't the right term for some, but a disappointment so deep.... a realization that no matter how WELL you know someone, you really don't know them at all. That's kind of been the ongoing theme of my life but never so much as in the last year.

I feel like I've lied to some people... maybe exaggerated support that's suppose to be there but just isn't. I told my sister-in-law I'd love her regardless of what she did to my brother.... probably that's true, short of killing him of course, but the way she's broken my father's heart is pretty unforgiveable and I don't think I will ever love her the same.

I told another friend that I support her dating someone I'm pretty sure I'll never be able to stand... The truth is, I have some HUGE love for her husband (soon to be ex) and hurting her aside, I miss the hell out of him... He was my family.

I've come to know from my own fucked up experience most call life, that every man makes choices for his own reasons... I appreciate the strength it takes to make some choices... regardless of how cowardly or stupid.

My choice of late seems to be doing what is expected of me... saying what I SHOULD say...

I may just be too exhausted to give a shit. Speaking of which I have a big hate for those stay at home mothers on facebook that post 77 times a day that they're so exhausted and want to take a nap... and they do it from their crackberry... Well I'm not a big bald Texan, but put your blackberry down and go to bed! I work full time. I get NO sleep... I haven't since March 26 of 2008, by the way... and if I could stay home and sleep when my kid sleeps I certainly WOULDN'T waste that 20 mins fucking around on facebook for blackberry! They spend more time on their blackberries than watching their kids, which is a whole other arena of hate for me. I thinks they need a job... who's paying for that $130/mth blackberry bill anyway? Maybe EI needs to have stipulations on the use of their monies.

Tahaha...

I need my sleep too... my husband is right... I need an attitude adjustment... or transplant. But It's better right now that I'm not honest around those who expect me to be... hahaha... Only honey knows just how brutal I can be.


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