� Do not go � 2007-10-26 � 6:58 p.m. �
I'm not done miscarrying.
Crazy isn't it?
It reminds me of the complexity to life... as complex as it was to make it, its end is just as intricate.
Long and slow... and a way for me never to forget and never to deppreciate the value of a heart beating... Not that I ever would...with darekened breasts and a swollen womb.
If I was to rewind 7 weeks... you probably wouldn't recognize me... and rewind still to July, and you'd have no idea that that girl and this woman are the same... that's for the art of it... we're not the same... and never will I be that young again.
My doctor asked me how I am. It's always interesting when I have to take what I can't even define and make words out of it. I'm a writer... these words are my gift and they come more naturally to me than curls and wit... and still at 1:10 on a cool fall's day that I find my tongue's a stranger in my own mouth.
How do I feel?
Like a mother without a child.
I don't hide behind a veil and weep... but I know what I have lost and I'm hurt... yes still.
I told him there are days I don't want to get up... but I do. I told him I'm anxious at times I would have embrassed in June. I don't want to be in crowds or around people... but I don't hide from those things. I just rather not be there.
My articulation translates into my health, apparently. As long as I know I feel irrational in rational situations, then I don't have a problem.... I suppose I should have paid closee attention in Psych 101, but since I have a clear sense of self then I'm ready to move forward....
In a month... when all the old has gone and I can nurture the new.
I'm sensing there should be symbolism in that, somewhere.
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