� what for? � 2006-06-25 � 12:33 a.m. �
My phone rang... and a voice danced in my ear... one I hate... one I thought I'd never hear again...
I thought he was dead, actually... or I had hoped.... and I wasn't sure how he'd ever get my number... or why he'd ever use it...
I heard the betrayal beside him...
I nearly puked. I wanted to... my gut wrenched... and my mind raced... my heart thumped... and I wanted to curl up... slit my wrists...
But there are some things that don't belong to this life... that don't belong to my husband... or my family...
Or you...
I wiped my face... and I sucked it up... and then I tried shamelessly to reach out to an empty promise...
My life is filled with empty promises... give me that... that is true...
Boys who will give me the world with their tongue... and swallow them all when I come to collect...
Boys who vow to protect me from evil they gave me to... just to have evil sit on the end of the bed while we fuck.
Of the men in my world... even above Blair... i thought you'd be true... I thought if you ever saw him you'd rip out his throat with your teeth....
I never thought... ever thought you'd be in his company... let alone let him call me.
I don't think I'll ever sleep again... and who... who can I reach out to?
This isn't something to write in my father's birthday card... or whisper in my husband's ear.... it belongs to me and me alone... and now... What for?
Marc... you killed me... I would forgive you for just about anything... but never... never... for this.
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