� strength keeps me weak. � 2006-06-01 � 9:40 p.m. �
I made myself a chore list... broken down by day... something like:
Wednesday - Dusting
Thursday - clean bathrooms
Sundays - Floors
It's Thursday and I haven't cleaned my bathroom nor do I intend to.
I had a chat with a friend tonight... and I feel like an ass complaining about my broken body...
She's tried a hundred times to have a child... and three times she conceived... three times she carried and 3 times she's lost her daughters. It feels wrong saying... "I want to have a child one day... and even that won't come without a war. Life's unfair."
When I know better... when I know that fairness cannot be weighed that way. Not when I'm standing beside her. Unfair in her shadow is giving birth to dead babies.... feeling them kick for seven months and then waking up to the still in the night.
But she listens graciously because she's beautiful. She understands wholly when no one else would...
"Don't rely on hope, pet, hope will let you down. Rely on persistance, rely on strength.... those two things have served you well, my Darling, and they always will."
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