quickly, follow the unknown 2006-04-30 8:29 p.m.


I had a thought today almost drowned me in guilt... and I stopped myself in shock... silently, as my wheels turned... it was an epiphany of sorts... That all these years denying it, I finally saw that you were right...

I thought it would come, if it ever came, at a point more meaningful than driving down the street with my husband at my side.

It came... it was poigant... I felt sad for thinking it... and it left... as quickly as showed its face, it hid again... and I could smile in quiet satisfaction that I have always been what you wanted me to be... I have always been whole and good... and I have never let you down... not then... not now... not ever.

Life is funny for forcing regret... it tempts us to choice and pisses in our face for it. We spend the time we could have been doing, wishing we had done differently... maybe it was designed that way... maybe our conscience has made it that way... but nevertheless we are taught to do right and then cry.

I can't feel sorry for you... I can't be sorry for knowing you... and helping you... and holding you... and crying with you... or for you... laughing, and trying... and dreaming... or hoping. I can't feel bad for the things I have done knowing well all along everything I did was right... even walking away while you laid on my floor to die.

~The human tragedy consists in the necessity of living with the consequences under pressure...~

You couldn't have come at a worse time...


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