� In maths. � 2006-04-26 � 10:09 p.m. �
Don't you hate it when an idea runs through your brain like a curse and you can't get it out... not in its entirety... not how it should be... and you feel like you've failed for it? Because if it can't be whole, then it just shouldn't be at all.
Maybe it's just me...
It's like a creator's "writer's block" only more painful.
I wonder why I don't write anymore... of course... my mother and I are the only two who wonder this, I'm sure... it's been years... well how long have I been with Blair?... YEARS since I've put anything substantial down... anything worth being paid for.... and it feels sometimes like I've failed there too... that my two years of school have been plunked down to... well, diaryland.
I was remembering, today, an entry I wrote not-so-long ago... a tale of the past... that probably wasn't my finest nor my worst of works, but entertaining and well-written just the same... and I was remembering the way Davy laughed so whole-heartedly at its ending... how I liked the sound of his laugh over the phone... as I was thinking of this it hit me that that is why I liked to write... not for the entertainment... not for the shock-value... but because at one time, I was best painting in abc's.
I let go of what i once excelled at... writing - photography - and the story they told from my head to your eye... and I traded it in for a world I don't even like.
I sit with the curse in my brain... rushing in my veins and all I can think is... "This is what you'll get... this is what you'll get when you mess with us."
� previous � next � comments � diaryland � old �